Relaxed, fasted, saved my energy and waited waited waited to walk 6 miles during the hottest part of the day. I didn't feel like I was sweating at all (but then again w/ a restrictive sports bra - medium my ass - a beater, men's long underwear, and a long sleeve cotton t-shirt, what can you really feel anymore?) so I was skeptical. I still plodded along though. Resisted the temptation to cheat, chug water, or catch the train back and pretend like I gave it my all.
Well, hard work pays the fuck off! I came back and pushed through 600 crunches (I was feeling the number 6 today) and stepped on that lovely little scale and nearly genuflected on the spot, I was so grateful to finally see 110. Can you believe that? It just confirms my thoughts that consistency gets results. Plain old sweat and cardio will get you where you want to go. Don't eat, don't gain. It can't get more simple than that.
Yes, what am I going to do once I start eating again? I get this question quite a bit.
Who the fuck says I'm ever going to eat normally again?
I have no problem having a few sips here, a bite a day twice a week there if I feel like it or can afford to gain under a pound that can easily be peed out/worked off later or the next day. Anymore than that and I'm going to get full, I'm going to retain, I'm going to get an extended belly, and I'm going to get depressed. I know how that story ends (in a binge and purge!) and I refuse to let it play through again. Way to tiring and I just can't bring myself to do that anymore. No, thank you!
See, I might be starving myself to death, but I don't want any unwanted attention/interruptions until it happens. I'm not even sure I want it to happen. I was so miserable before, but now I've got this to keep going. HWSNN is a fat, insensitive loser that was never good enough for me, but I was wallowing in depression and my fat thighs. Now, I have less of my thighs to hate and I'm not bed-ridden, so that's a plus. Maybe I can finally drag my ass away from him and pretend the last 4+ years didn't happen?
Hell, why stop there. Let me just pretend this whole life up 'til know didn't happen, and I just appeared as Fat Free Choco and didn't go through my Dark Choco phase! Pft, yeah right. See, that's my problem - I think too much. Let me just keep trodding along, one foot in front of the other, and not waste energy wondering about this or that. I'm pleased I'm making progress and I need to ignore all the other bullshit.
Skinny September is off to a solid start.
