All right, let's make this brief, shall we? There's really no need to ramble on and on in a recap of my ED related foolishness...
I had a pretty decent day. Was exhausted yesterday after continuing my 2 lb a day weight loss...of course I'm doing it the unhealthy way. Rapidly, foolishly, slightly obsessively. Meh. The calendar keeps telling me that time is shifting from being on my side to moving on, so I don't have the 'luxury' of being Team Fit Fam (hah) and doing it "the right way" through normal - whatever that is - exercise and a well-balanced diet.
Not like I fucking care. I could die tomorrow from some freak accident and I'd still be skinny-ish, whether it was from barfing or bike riding so whatever, la! Let me do what I have to do for the time being so I can make sure my fat ass gets thin by the time I have to board that plane! Hmph.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. So I'd been tired from my stupid gym obsession and I think I'm becoming dependent on coffee (gross) despite my effort to just limit my intake and only use when extremely necessary. So today/yesterday I decided to take it easy! Don't worry about work or doing a bunch of errands or being *terribly* productive! Just stay happy(ish) and make sure not to tip the scale *no pun intended* towards my freak-out state of mind where I rage and eat everything in sight. No more of that shit, right!
Right. For about 18 hours of the day. Then I met up with a friend and it went downhill from there. Despite me making it clear and she already knowing I don't eat, or at least didn't want to this time, I still managed to kind of get coerced into having just a bit of an appetizer and I *know* in hindsight, and in the rational part of my brain, that it wasn't even anything but it made me uncomfortable.
Ok, no worries. Still had an awesome time, just go home and go to the gym, right? Wrong! She immediately lost her wallet after we left the restaurant, somehow, and my stupid, over-sensitive ass felt bad and bought her a new one. Why? I don't know. I have this awful nagging feeling I'm just bad luck. Seriously. I think that I make everyone's life worse that I know. Whether this is actually true or not, who knows? But I overcompensate.
And then I felt ridiculous for being supersitioius/unfounded in my feelings (because I'm usually pragmatic) and it made me feel bad. I didn't have a meltdown or a complete hissy fit, but I did attempt to binge/purge and, like the forever failure that I am, I fell asleep after just a bowl of ramen. Score! My body went into auto-shutdown mode to prevent serious damage.
So, that's basically it. Oh yeah, I'd been giving my husband a hard time/not playing nice/not intentionally ignoring him the last few days, and then yesterday while I was out, my phone wasn't updating his emails (remember, I cut him off so he can only email me so he can't trigger me or get under my skin). I missed a few of his messages and when I finally did see them, I was in the throes of my eating mania and blurted out that I felt bad for throwing away money like that again, and surprisingly, he just said: you did a nice thing. Treat yourself to something good too and don't worry.
Hold up, who are you? And what did you do with my dense slug of a husband? *pause* I guess everyone has their moments, huh? :-| Whatever, he's leaving for China next week and just told me he'll in fact have to go to Shanghai after all, so who knows what he's up to or what's going on with that. Dunno, don't particularly care. Just come back and keep your job, dude.
Well, that wasn't a particularly short summary of my day's foolishness, but it was thorough!
Now, I can go ceremoniously and symbolically purge and finally get some sleep within the next hour. Which is stupid, cos the gym opens in 90 mins...sigh...
Showing posts with label slack off and pay the price. Show all posts
Showing posts with label slack off and pay the price. Show all posts
Friday, March 8, 2013
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Say Hello to Skinny September!
Relaxed, fasted, saved my energy and waited waited waited to walk 6 miles during the hottest part of the day. I didn't feel like I was sweating at all (but then again w/ a restrictive sports bra - medium my ass - a beater, men's long underwear, and a long sleeve cotton t-shirt, what can you really feel anymore?) so I was skeptical. I still plodded along though. Resisted the temptation to cheat, chug water, or catch the train back and pretend like I gave it my all.
Well, hard work pays the fuck off! I came back and pushed through 600 crunches (I was feeling the number 6 today) and stepped on that lovely little scale and nearly genuflected on the spot, I was so grateful to finally see 110. Can you believe that? It just confirms my thoughts that consistency gets results. Plain old sweat and cardio will get you where you want to go. Don't eat, don't gain. It can't get more simple than that.
Yes, what am I going to do once I start eating again? I get this question quite a bit.
Who the fuck says I'm ever going to eat normally again?
I have no problem having a few sips here, a bite a day twice a week there if I feel like it or can afford to gain under a pound that can easily be peed out/worked off later or the next day. Anymore than that and I'm going to get full, I'm going to retain, I'm going to get an extended belly, and I'm going to get depressed. I know how that story ends (in a binge and purge!) and I refuse to let it play through again. Way to tiring and I just can't bring myself to do that anymore. No, thank you!
See, I might be starving myself to death, but I don't want any unwanted attention/interruptions until it happens. I'm not even sure I want it to happen. I was so miserable before, but now I've got this to keep going. HWSNN is a fat, insensitive loser that was never good enough for me, but I was wallowing in depression and my fat thighs. Now, I have less of my thighs to hate and I'm not bed-ridden, so that's a plus. Maybe I can finally drag my ass away from him and pretend the last 4+ years didn't happen?
Hell, why stop there. Let me just pretend this whole life up 'til know didn't happen, and I just appeared as Fat Free Choco and didn't go through my Dark Choco phase! Pft, yeah right. See, that's my problem - I think too much. Let me just keep trodding along, one foot in front of the other, and not waste energy wondering about this or that. I'm pleased I'm making progress and I need to ignore all the other bullshit.
Skinny September is off to a solid start.
Well, hard work pays the fuck off! I came back and pushed through 600 crunches (I was feeling the number 6 today) and stepped on that lovely little scale and nearly genuflected on the spot, I was so grateful to finally see 110. Can you believe that? It just confirms my thoughts that consistency gets results. Plain old sweat and cardio will get you where you want to go. Don't eat, don't gain. It can't get more simple than that.
Yes, what am I going to do once I start eating again? I get this question quite a bit.
Who the fuck says I'm ever going to eat normally again?
I have no problem having a few sips here, a bite a day twice a week there if I feel like it or can afford to gain under a pound that can easily be peed out/worked off later or the next day. Anymore than that and I'm going to get full, I'm going to retain, I'm going to get an extended belly, and I'm going to get depressed. I know how that story ends (in a binge and purge!) and I refuse to let it play through again. Way to tiring and I just can't bring myself to do that anymore. No, thank you!
See, I might be starving myself to death, but I don't want any unwanted attention/interruptions until it happens. I'm not even sure I want it to happen. I was so miserable before, but now I've got this to keep going. HWSNN is a fat, insensitive loser that was never good enough for me, but I was wallowing in depression and my fat thighs. Now, I have less of my thighs to hate and I'm not bed-ridden, so that's a plus. Maybe I can finally drag my ass away from him and pretend the last 4+ years didn't happen?
Hell, why stop there. Let me just pretend this whole life up 'til know didn't happen, and I just appeared as Fat Free Choco and didn't go through my Dark Choco phase! Pft, yeah right. See, that's my problem - I think too much. Let me just keep trodding along, one foot in front of the other, and not waste energy wondering about this or that. I'm pleased I'm making progress and I need to ignore all the other bullshit.
Skinny September is off to a solid start.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Failure, Party of One?
Didn't reach 110.
Binged on soy milk and am now even further away.
Hope I pee it out and can starve enough the next week while the gym is closed not to gain.
Will start walking again, starting tomorrow (at least 5 miles during the hottest part of the day to sweat the most, in my long underwear, 3 layers, etc.)
HWSNN was kicked out tonight for seriously looking me dead in the eye and trying to convince me to give him a year to fucking cheat on me. Oh, how I wish I could post his fat face all over the internet and shame him and his disgusting parents for raising such a base, selfish, miserable little cunt of a human being.
Whatever, next time I feel like binging, let me not forget how disgusting he is and how sick of this life I am and keep my fucking mouth shut. I couldn't even binge a pound tonight, I was just to tired/sick of it all.
Oh, did I mention he keeps telling me about one of his stupid Chinese friend (who's probably racist and spoke shit about me like the rest of them all did when I wasn't around) who wants to invest in American stocks? Why the *fuck* would I help this loser any more than I already have, or his dumbass friend that I don't even know? Do these idiots have no fucking shame? Two days in a row he's brought this investing shit up, I just told him to let me have a moment to clear my head, I just had a crappy day. How much more selfish can a pig get?? How many of his dumb cocksucking friends have I helped only to find out they've said so much racist shit about me and never to hear from them/have a smidgen of appreciation shown towards me at all? Fuck that and fuck them and fuck him for letting them think I'm just here to be used by everyone.
And that's all, folks! I really have nothing useful to say. I was late to work today because I couldn't get out of bed, went to the gym late, and still didn't even move the goddam scale. Bad day all around ended on a predictable low note.
Wake me up when I'm dead, ok? Thanks.
Binged on soy milk and am now even further away.
Hope I pee it out and can starve enough the next week while the gym is closed not to gain.
Will start walking again, starting tomorrow (at least 5 miles during the hottest part of the day to sweat the most, in my long underwear, 3 layers, etc.)
HWSNN was kicked out tonight for seriously looking me dead in the eye and trying to convince me to give him a year to fucking cheat on me. Oh, how I wish I could post his fat face all over the internet and shame him and his disgusting parents for raising such a base, selfish, miserable little cunt of a human being.
Whatever, next time I feel like binging, let me not forget how disgusting he is and how sick of this life I am and keep my fucking mouth shut. I couldn't even binge a pound tonight, I was just to tired/sick of it all.
Oh, did I mention he keeps telling me about one of his stupid Chinese friend (who's probably racist and spoke shit about me like the rest of them all did when I wasn't around) who wants to invest in American stocks? Why the *fuck* would I help this loser any more than I already have, or his dumbass friend that I don't even know? Do these idiots have no fucking shame? Two days in a row he's brought this investing shit up, I just told him to let me have a moment to clear my head, I just had a crappy day. How much more selfish can a pig get?? How many of his dumb cocksucking friends have I helped only to find out they've said so much racist shit about me and never to hear from them/have a smidgen of appreciation shown towards me at all? Fuck that and fuck them and fuck him for letting them think I'm just here to be used by everyone.
And that's all, folks! I really have nothing useful to say. I was late to work today because I couldn't get out of bed, went to the gym late, and still didn't even move the goddam scale. Bad day all around ended on a predictable low note.
Wake me up when I'm dead, ok? Thanks.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Return of the Choco Beast!
Yes, yes, it's been an entire MONTH since I posted something. And don't think I forgot or overlooked it or didn't want to. I thought about it every day, but was going so up and down that I just couldn't bring myself to write about anything. Who am I to sit here and preach about "skinny or die, mother suckaaaa!" if I took a fucking "break" for 2 or 3 days and let myself get back up to 120.
Oh shit, fat's out of the bag now isn't it? Yup, I ate like a donkey - Mongolian barbeque and Mrs. Field's mini cookies for you Curious Cathys - and didn't purge because I didn't fucking feel like it. Also, because HWSNN got me a new laptop that I was in dire need of and had been dreaming about for some time now (not this particular one, because it's actually bigger than my last one, which makes me feel like I'm in a way bigger and needed something to accomodate my fat fingers/self, but that's for another post). That day I had been in heels for hours, walking around at work, then spending several more hours walking around trying to decide which machine to get, I was so famished. Combine physical exhaustion with HWSNN's pestering of never seeing me eat anything, I just gave in and *devoured* that spicy goodness, oh gawd.
Anyway anyway, lets not rehash the past. I ate and I enjoyed it for a second and felt bad and let it continue until I got up to 120 and nearly committed seppuku right there in the hotel bathroom because I undid how many weeks of working out in just how many days? Really Choco? *This* is your idea of "Fat Free" by eating half the food court in one evening? Oh hellz no!
So I vaguely admitted my transgressions on Twatter and vowed to get things under control. I never like to mention specific foods or anything, so I don't trigger anyone (I haaaaaaaaate those fat bitches that not only can't stop themselves from eating, but can't stop themselves from tweeting about all the nasty shit they just inhaled! Seriously? Why are you trying to drag the rest of us down with you??? Just say you binged and keep it moving! Don't go into detail about how the food was prepared and *ugh* go so far to post pics! Fat fuckers >:(
What was I saying? Yeah, so I've given up purging until at least after the gym is open again (it'll be closed from the 1st through the 8th for "renovations" read: because the staff is lazy and just wants time off. I bet not a damn fucking thing will be different) mainly because I am sick of it and I don't even want to eat. Two very good reasons, right? I waste so much time heaving my innards up and out that I could be relaxing in bed or doing whatever it is my ass wants, not doubled over some disgusting hole used to collect fecal matter and urine. Also, if I eat *anything* I immediately look at the time, see how long I have left until my body absorbs the damage, and count down if I can make it safely or not to get it out. Beyond crazy and obsessive. I don't want to do that anymore. But this is the case for any and everything I consume - nuts, fruit, liquids. Liquids are not air, people. They will show up on the scale!
Oh yes, I've given up my stupid lax tea for the time being (read: it's been about a week) because that shit was just adding water weight and not really moving shit - no pun intended. So what's a Mia to do to get her hydration fix? I discovered the wonderful world of popsicles! But not the fatty fat American kind that are XXL and full of sugar and milk or juice and shit. I'm talk the micro mini kind (like under 30 ml) from Japan that are more colored frozen water than anything. Amaaazing! I can have 5 in a day and it's not showing up on the scale enough for me to lose my shit. Ok, what's .2 lb really matter anyway? The alternative is me trying to only have a can of Rock* and not let it open the floodgates is always very slim. Regardless, I'd put back on the pound I just sweat out in the gym, and hate myself for the rest of the day. These ice pops are amazing and something different that helps me regulate what's going in me. And I'm still hydrated enough to trickle something out at regular intervals and when I wake up. Last thing I need is me passing out 'cos of dehydration, or even worse, dying out of the blue and I'm still big! I'd have nothing to show for all the shit I've been putting myself through, and the coroner would just be like: well, that was a waste. Her thighs are still huge!
So, anyway, I'm back and I'm skinny again. I as 113.8 before (barely 113 but I claimed that shit proudly!) and now I'm 113.4 and I haven't been purging every day, so I'm pleased. I got 3 new kinds of popsicles today: one is foul (I'll let HWSNN devour those), one is so so (only if I'm desperate), and one is great but has pieces of fruit in it :-| Whyyy! I don't want food sitting in my intestines, piling up and adding to my weight before I hit 105. Shit! There are only 5 in the box, thankfully, so I won't get this kind again for a few weeks. I know this is beyond looney tunes but a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do. I want to get back to restricting and stop this purging altogether. Let me finish August strong and actually try and enjoy September. It's not Mission: Impossible and I know I can do it if I remain strong. One day, one step, one pound closer to what I want...
Oh shit, fat's out of the bag now isn't it? Yup, I ate like a donkey - Mongolian barbeque and Mrs. Field's mini cookies for you Curious Cathys - and didn't purge because I didn't fucking feel like it. Also, because HWSNN got me a new laptop that I was in dire need of and had been dreaming about for some time now (not this particular one, because it's actually bigger than my last one, which makes me feel like I'm in a way bigger and needed something to accomodate my fat fingers/self, but that's for another post). That day I had been in heels for hours, walking around at work, then spending several more hours walking around trying to decide which machine to get, I was so famished. Combine physical exhaustion with HWSNN's pestering of never seeing me eat anything, I just gave in and *devoured* that spicy goodness, oh gawd.
Anyway anyway, lets not rehash the past. I ate and I enjoyed it for a second and felt bad and let it continue until I got up to 120 and nearly committed seppuku right there in the hotel bathroom because I undid how many weeks of working out in just how many days? Really Choco? *This* is your idea of "Fat Free" by eating half the food court in one evening? Oh hellz no!
So I vaguely admitted my transgressions on Twatter and vowed to get things under control. I never like to mention specific foods or anything, so I don't trigger anyone (I haaaaaaaaate those fat bitches that not only can't stop themselves from eating, but can't stop themselves from tweeting about all the nasty shit they just inhaled! Seriously? Why are you trying to drag the rest of us down with you??? Just say you binged and keep it moving! Don't go into detail about how the food was prepared and *ugh* go so far to post pics! Fat fuckers >:(
What was I saying? Yeah, so I've given up purging until at least after the gym is open again (it'll be closed from the 1st through the 8th for "renovations" read: because the staff is lazy and just wants time off. I bet not a damn fucking thing will be different) mainly because I am sick of it and I don't even want to eat. Two very good reasons, right? I waste so much time heaving my innards up and out that I could be relaxing in bed or doing whatever it is my ass wants, not doubled over some disgusting hole used to collect fecal matter and urine. Also, if I eat *anything* I immediately look at the time, see how long I have left until my body absorbs the damage, and count down if I can make it safely or not to get it out. Beyond crazy and obsessive. I don't want to do that anymore. But this is the case for any and everything I consume - nuts, fruit, liquids. Liquids are not air, people. They will show up on the scale!
Oh yes, I've given up my stupid lax tea for the time being (read: it's been about a week) because that shit was just adding water weight and not really moving shit - no pun intended. So what's a Mia to do to get her hydration fix? I discovered the wonderful world of popsicles! But not the fatty fat American kind that are XXL and full of sugar and milk or juice and shit. I'm talk the micro mini kind (like under 30 ml) from Japan that are more colored frozen water than anything. Amaaazing! I can have 5 in a day and it's not showing up on the scale enough for me to lose my shit. Ok, what's .2 lb really matter anyway? The alternative is me trying to only have a can of Rock* and not let it open the floodgates is always very slim. Regardless, I'd put back on the pound I just sweat out in the gym, and hate myself for the rest of the day. These ice pops are amazing and something different that helps me regulate what's going in me. And I'm still hydrated enough to trickle something out at regular intervals and when I wake up. Last thing I need is me passing out 'cos of dehydration, or even worse, dying out of the blue and I'm still big! I'd have nothing to show for all the shit I've been putting myself through, and the coroner would just be like: well, that was a waste. Her thighs are still huge!
So, anyway, I'm back and I'm skinny again. I as 113.8 before (barely 113 but I claimed that shit proudly!) and now I'm 113.4 and I haven't been purging every day, so I'm pleased. I got 3 new kinds of popsicles today: one is foul (I'll let HWSNN devour those), one is so so (only if I'm desperate), and one is great but has pieces of fruit in it :-| Whyyy! I don't want food sitting in my intestines, piling up and adding to my weight before I hit 105. Shit! There are only 5 in the box, thankfully, so I won't get this kind again for a few weeks. I know this is beyond looney tunes but a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do. I want to get back to restricting and stop this purging altogether. Let me finish August strong and actually try and enjoy September. It's not Mission: Impossible and I know I can do it if I remain strong. One day, one step, one pound closer to what I want...
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Shitty Weekend (No Surprise)!
I'll keep this *really* brief (I know I always say that and then go on to write the Illiad) 'cos I'm packing up to leave. Want to have enough time to go to the gym early, drop of HWSNN, go back to the gym, clean up, and head to my interview in time. I want it that way and so it shall be!
I just wrote 2 paragraphs that went into detail about why I was so despondent this weekend, but it's much too shameful and depressing. No need to get specific about why my life sucks, just trust me, it does. Anyway, I didn't work out or steam today, and I'm sure I'm going to wake up a fat whale tomorrow. Marvelous! I will deal with that when the time comes to step on the scale.
Bought some makeup at the mall in an attempt to hide the dark circles under my eyes and trick people into thinking I'm pretty, but I just can't put this shit on my face. It's supposedly organic, animal-friendly, yadda yadda, but I only bought a primer and some concealer and a brush (and some "mist" to hydrate???) and shit was $150. I feel way too guilty and the sample she put on me makes me look like an oily pig. I'm returning this shit tomorrow. I'm fat and I'm ugly and I look like a sad panda - oh well! These are the genes I was born with. Why fake the funk with war paint? So god help me if I ever step out without it, people will hid their babies from me in terror. Well, the little Chinese ladies do that now already, anyway so no biggie.
What else? Oh yeah, tried on 27 shorts/jumpers at Forever 21, too big too big. Yes! Size 0s are a 24, so I must be a 3 or so? I want to be a 2, that's nice and even and definitely small. A 4 is somewhere in the land of not quite small enough and smaller than that *other* fatty over there, but don't get too cocky 'cos you're one latte away yourself. I want to lose 2 inches from my thighs. Then I will be able to feel like a real skinny twig bitch and can at least throw on what I want and make other hos feel fat and unhappy and hang around the mall/beach/wherever the fuck I want all day. Yes, I'll still be a miserable hag in an awful relationship, but who needs to know that other than me?
I just wrote 2 paragraphs that went into detail about why I was so despondent this weekend, but it's much too shameful and depressing. No need to get specific about why my life sucks, just trust me, it does. Anyway, I didn't work out or steam today, and I'm sure I'm going to wake up a fat whale tomorrow. Marvelous! I will deal with that when the time comes to step on the scale.
Bought some makeup at the mall in an attempt to hide the dark circles under my eyes and trick people into thinking I'm pretty, but I just can't put this shit on my face. It's supposedly organic, animal-friendly, yadda yadda, but I only bought a primer and some concealer and a brush (and some "mist" to hydrate???) and shit was $150. I feel way too guilty and the sample she put on me makes me look like an oily pig. I'm returning this shit tomorrow. I'm fat and I'm ugly and I look like a sad panda - oh well! These are the genes I was born with. Why fake the funk with war paint? So god help me if I ever step out without it, people will hid their babies from me in terror. Well, the little Chinese ladies do that now already, anyway so no biggie.
What else? Oh yeah, tried on 27 shorts/jumpers at Forever 21, too big too big. Yes! Size 0s are a 24, so I must be a 3 or so? I want to be a 2, that's nice and even and definitely small. A 4 is somewhere in the land of not quite small enough and smaller than that *other* fatty over there, but don't get too cocky 'cos you're one latte away yourself. I want to lose 2 inches from my thighs. Then I will be able to feel like a real skinny twig bitch and can at least throw on what I want and make other hos feel fat and unhappy and hang around the mall/beach/wherever the fuck I want all day. Yes, I'll still be a miserable hag in an awful relationship, but who needs to know that other than me?
Sunday, July 17, 2011
I'm a Fat, Lazy, Hypocrite!
I'll keep this short because I want to get up early to steam for 2 hours before I drive HWSNN to work and then begin my afternoon onslaught of at least 5 miles. It's already after 11 (can't believe it) and I feel like getting a goddam spicy big bite from the devil's headquarters (7-11, why do they have to be open 24/7???) I probably will but I thought I was too tired to binge. But who cares? I'll get cold and feel even worse and hopefully just sleep through the night and wake up without hitting snooze in the morning.
Today was another bunk day. I only walked 5.75 miles and played neither basketball nor beach tennis long enough. I just could not bring myself to do either for as long as I wanted (30 and 15 mins respectively) because I was bored. I wasn't whooping ass in bball, yes I was winning at first but I just felt like doing something else, and I was doing well with the faux-tennis, but again, my mind was elsewhere. And god help me if my heart isn't in something, my body will not follow, that's for sure. Every job that I found boring or a waste of my time, I just mentally shut myself off and disconnected until I quit because I'd just show up so late and couldn't be bothered.
So what did I do? I almost cut a fat bitch in the steam room for barking at me to cut off the light, when there are 2 HUGE signs that say the lights must be kept on at all times (probably for whackjobs like me that try and sleep in there, so the nosy staff can see if somebody's passed out when they make their rounds). That whore wasted my time and got me so fucking mad that I didn't enjoy my steaming and actually left 5 mins early when I could have squeeze out another .2 pounds and seen 121 today. Isn't that some shit?! If I see that fucking stumpy sack of shit in there again I will seriously tell her to shut the fuck up and go get a dictionary to translate and comprehend the signs. She had the *nerve* to belch out: it's my choooooice. No you fucking fat lump of lard, your choice was to stop eating decades ago so you could enjoy the benefits of having little old lady legs that are twigs. *That* was your choice! Being a nasty cunt and yelling at me about turning the goddam lights on so I can read and last longer while I'm sweating out my fat misery is *not* your choice!!
That's fine though, moment's passed. I will kick her ass if she dares cross me again - I argued for 30 seconds and said to myself, "she obviously doesn't know what a grudge holding bitch I am. She'll learn soon enough." I pay my pennies to suffer in this smelly shithole just like you, you short little twat. Don't start making up rules and pulling out "rights" from your flabby ass like you run shit. I'm not on that Californian-high-all-the-time-good-vibes-duuuude shit either. I'm straight East Coast crazy and will make you cry before you even realized I insulted you, your kids, your parents, and whatever else comes to mind.
Ugh, what a negative post! And so much for keeping it short, damn. Sorry about that. I'm just mad at myself for not getting to the gym early enough and paying the price. Tomorrow's going to be full of phone calls, running around, trying to get crap done that I don't want to do, but HWSNN certainly can't/won't do himself, and other lameness. I just want to be skinny already, get a job doing something that fat people can't do, and enjoy the perks that come with thinness. I want my hard work to really show and bring a smile to my lips instead of this furrow at my brow. I want results, dammit!
Today was another bunk day. I only walked 5.75 miles and played neither basketball nor beach tennis long enough. I just could not bring myself to do either for as long as I wanted (30 and 15 mins respectively) because I was bored. I wasn't whooping ass in bball, yes I was winning at first but I just felt like doing something else, and I was doing well with the faux-tennis, but again, my mind was elsewhere. And god help me if my heart isn't in something, my body will not follow, that's for sure. Every job that I found boring or a waste of my time, I just mentally shut myself off and disconnected until I quit because I'd just show up so late and couldn't be bothered.
So what did I do? I almost cut a fat bitch in the steam room for barking at me to cut off the light, when there are 2 HUGE signs that say the lights must be kept on at all times (probably for whackjobs like me that try and sleep in there, so the nosy staff can see if somebody's passed out when they make their rounds). That whore wasted my time and got me so fucking mad that I didn't enjoy my steaming and actually left 5 mins early when I could have squeeze out another .2 pounds and seen 121 today. Isn't that some shit?! If I see that fucking stumpy sack of shit in there again I will seriously tell her to shut the fuck up and go get a dictionary to translate and comprehend the signs. She had the *nerve* to belch out: it's my choooooice. No you fucking fat lump of lard, your choice was to stop eating decades ago so you could enjoy the benefits of having little old lady legs that are twigs. *That* was your choice! Being a nasty cunt and yelling at me about turning the goddam lights on so I can read and last longer while I'm sweating out my fat misery is *not* your choice!!
That's fine though, moment's passed. I will kick her ass if she dares cross me again - I argued for 30 seconds and said to myself, "she obviously doesn't know what a grudge holding bitch I am. She'll learn soon enough." I pay my pennies to suffer in this smelly shithole just like you, you short little twat. Don't start making up rules and pulling out "rights" from your flabby ass like you run shit. I'm not on that Californian-high-all-the-time-good-vibes-duuuude shit either. I'm straight East Coast crazy and will make you cry before you even realized I insulted you, your kids, your parents, and whatever else comes to mind.
Ugh, what a negative post! And so much for keeping it short, damn. Sorry about that. I'm just mad at myself for not getting to the gym early enough and paying the price. Tomorrow's going to be full of phone calls, running around, trying to get crap done that I don't want to do, but HWSNN certainly can't/won't do himself, and other lameness. I just want to be skinny already, get a job doing something that fat people can't do, and enjoy the perks that come with thinness. I want my hard work to really show and bring a smile to my lips instead of this furrow at my brow. I want results, dammit!
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